Praise in the Midst of the Storm

"Please God! Please God! Please God!"

These words tried to overpower the force of the winds that were whipping my body this way and that. The excruciating sting of sand, dirt, hail, boards, glass, sheetrock, tree limbs, rain, 200+ mile an hour winds all beating against me and tossing me around as if I were a ragdoll. Words can hardly describe it....

It was a very pleasant day in January. January 21, 1999 to be exact. I had been in class all day at ASU-Beebe and decided to go over to my boyfriend's townhouse to cook supper for him and one of his roommates. Weatherwise, it was one of those "weird" days. Tornadoes had been popping up all across the state that afternoon. It felt more like spring outside than a dead-of-winter day. The temperatures had been in the 60s and 70s all day, and it had actually been sunny most of the day in Beebe.

My Mama had called earlier in the afternoon and told me to stay put at Jay's because they had already been spotting funnel clouds in Vilonia and she did not want me to drive home and possibly be caught in a storm. Also, Jay's Mama had called to check on us because the state had been having such a significant weather event with all of the tornadoes. Y'all know the kind of day I'm talking about. I love the sense of community that we all feel when our state is hit with "weather". Whether it is a big snow that's coming to rainy weather to yucky 100-degree summertime temps to tornadoes. We Arkansans seem to huddle together and "watch what's next".

Let me give you a bit of a side note to what was going on in my life up to this point. I was 20 years old. Jay had been my boyfriend for a few years and I sincerely loved him. I would have married him in a heartbeat. But a few months prior to January 21 the Holy Spirit began to really convict me about some things that I was doing in my life. He let me know very clearly that I was not living for Christ. So, I started trying to weed out all the junk that I had been doing and started doing what I was supposed to be doing rather than submitting to sin. On the afternoon of January 21, 1999 at 4:30 in the afternoon, I almost stumbled. I ALMOST submitted to that sin again. But I didn't. The reason I didn't was because Jay's roommate, Kirk, came home early. Whew, dodged that one. Or did I? For months I had been able to resist that particular sin, but in a moment I ALMOST messed up again. I would have committed that sin again ONLY if Kirk had not arrived early. God needed to get my attention. And He DID!....

I had just finished cleaning up the kitchen and sat down to study World Lit when yet another tornado warning popped up on KTHV. This time the warning was for our county. That got my attention, but what really got my attention was when I heard the sound of hail outside. Jay had been asleep on the couch while Kirk took a nap in the recliner. I woke Jay up and we went to stand in the front doorway to watch the hail. I had never in my life seen hail, and boy was it coming down! All I could think is that my Dad was going to kill me because i had just dropped my full-coverage insurance down to liability on my car. And my poor Mustang was taking a real beating from all the hail.

The hail was HUGE. It was nuts!

Since this was a row of townhouses, all of the vehicles were lined up right outside of the front doors of the homes. There was a motorcycle parked next to my car, and the owner had turned up the radio so that all the neighbors could hear the weather announcements clearly. Then the hail stopped.

The rain stopped.
The wind stopped.
It was DEAD quiet.
We knew something was wrong.

Jay and I ran inside and woke Kirk up from his nap. I remember looking down at his feet and noticing he only had socks on and no shoes.

We all ran to the half bath underneath the staircase. Jay locked the bathroom door behind us. I assume he thought that would somehow keep the massive monster that was about to overtake us on the outside. Kirk crouched down and wrapped his arms around the toilet. Then I tucked my arms underneath this legs and held on. Then Jay wrapped his arms around my waist and squeezed as tightly as he could. Suddenly the water started being sucked down the toilet and then it would fling back up. I'll never forget that sound.

Then my life changed.

I didn't hear a train. I didn't hear a loud roar. I heard the sound of a deep-voiced woman screaming as loudly as I have ever heard anything. That's what it sounded like to me. I have tried to recreate the sound with my own voice, but it is something that I cannot come close to recreating.

The entire townhouse then began to be scooted across the foundation. The actual walls were pushing us across the bathroom floor, then the kitchen floor, and then BOOM! The roof exploded. It sounded like a bomb went off! Then the pain started. All three of us were then separated. Kirk was separated from the toilet; I was separated from Kirk; and Jay's tight grip was not enough to hold on to me. So many thoughts went through my mind. No, my life didn't flash before my eyes. But I did know that I was in the middle of a tornado. I knew that I was feeling pain like I had never felt before. I knew that if I died then I would go straight to heaven. And I knew that if I didn't die then it was possible that I could be left with some major injuries. I imagined my nose being ripped off, or my back being broken so that I would never walk again. I also knew that God was getting my attention....

The wind whipped around me. The rain and hail beat me up. It was INCREDIBLY cold. It felt as though I was being sandblasted. I hurt from the top of my head to the bottom of my feet. I couldn't hear anything except the sound of this blackness screaming SO loudly. My body was being whipped opened and closed. My arms and legs were going to and fro. I was up in the air...

...and then I landed.

It had passed. I was on my knees with my hands and head buried in mud. My eyes were closed and I was still screaming, "Please God! Please God! Please God!" The tornado hit around 7:15 so it was dark outside other than the occasional lightning flash. Jay was able to locate me because of my loud cries to the Lord. He ran over and picked me up. We then heard Kirk yelling. That's when I opened my eyes.

Oh. My. Word.

Kirk couldn't see because his face was covered in blood. His head had multiple cuts that required a ton of stitches. Remember his shoeless feet? His feet had injuries too because he had not been wearing shoes. *Side note: I ALWAYS make sure my family and I have shoes on during stormy weather*

My body was warm all over. Strange, huh, since I had just been through one of the coldest things ever. But it was, it was very warm. We made our way to the townhouses across the road. I call the townhouse we went to call our parents the "safe house". It was full of people. The owner let me use his phone to call my Mama and Daddy. Mama answered the phone and I immediately said, "Mama, we were in a tornado!" She didn't believe me because I am a life-long practical joker. So, she thought I was trying to pull her leg once again. I said, "Put Daddy on the phone." I then told him that we really had been in a tornado and he needed to come get me because I had no idea where my car was. Where it once had been parked was now desolate. And the townhouse we had once been eating supper and watching the weather in was completely gone. Only water sprayed up from the pipes where the toilet had once been.

As we waited in the "safe house", the paramedics arrived and asked if anyone needed medical attention. We of course said Kirk did, and they took him away. Right about that time, Jay raised his arm over his head only to reveal an enormous gash across his elbow. The blood started flowing. I still kept thinking, "I'm so warm. Maybe nothing is wrong with me."

Finally, my Dad arrived and drove me back home to Vilonia. Mama was anxiously waiting at the front door. The worry was all over her face. I know I had to have looked like a complete mess. I could still taste the dirt and mud in my teeth. And when I actually made it into my room and looked in the mirror, YIKES! I was a complete mudball. From head to toe, I was covered COVERED in mud. My teeth were black with mud. My sister, Kelli, came in to help me undress and take a shower before heading to the hospital. I had began to get some feeling in my body back. The feeling of warmth was subsiding, and the feeling of extreme pain was taking over. There was still warmth flowing down the front of my right leg though, and I soon discovered what that feeling of warmth was. While my arms and legs had been whipped open and closed by the tornado, my right leg had actually been pulled away from my body. Blood was streaming down my leg. My sister ran in the living room to where my family was and yelled, "She has something sticking out of her." Well, I didn't have anything sticking out of me, but it hurt nonetheless.

After arriving at the hospital, I tried to lighten things up a little with some jokes to make everyone know that what had happened was no big deal. But on the inside, I was in turmoil. I KNEW that God had sent this tornado in my life as a wake-up call. I KNEW He had sent it in my life to lead me to FREEDOM.

Does that sound weird? A tornado means freedom? What in the world?

1999 was a crazy year for me. It started in January with a physical tornado that left me physically hurt but spiritually awakened. Over the next few months, I started to do things that I knew the Lord wanted me to do and also things that I THOUGHT He wanted me to do.

Have you ever done something that you didn't seek the Lord for but just thought, "This has to be what God wants me to do"? I started doing that. I knew I had been left on this earth for a reason a few months prior and had to begin the work God had for me. I almost had a haughty attitude about things. I didn't vocalize my pride, but it was definitely there.

I broke up with Jay. I met another guy. This guy nor his family knew the Lord. I thought, "I must be the one who is going to save this family." I married him December 4, 1999. This was absolutely out of the Lord's will. In my pride, I did not seek what the Lord wanted me to do in this situation. I just knew that I had been left here after going through a terrible ordeal called a tornado, so this MUST be what God wants me to do. It wasn't.

Obviously, I divorced him a year later after some other "tornadoes" that were put in my path. God always makes a way. He is always there with His arms opened wide. He always has a plan. I knew I wanted to be on God's plan and wanted to let Him fulfill His plan for my life.

I completely and totally surrendered to Him. The exact day I did that was the first time in my life that I could feel His arms wrapped around me. God is so good, huh? He has had my life planned since before I breathed my first breath on this earth. I am so thankful that I can now see so clearly God's plan for my life. I released all control. And He has led me to a wonderful place.

Sometimes God has to get our attention before we will surrender to Him. But when we do surrender, oh how precious the relationship with the Lord is!

Hugs

I read this earlier this evening....

'....Soon after her family left for the evening, Mary started to think that her hospital room must be the loneliest place in the world. Nighttime had fallen, her fears about her illness were back, and she felt overwhelming despair as she lay there alone.

Closing her eyes, she began to talk to God: "Oh Lord, I know I am not really alone. You are here with me. Please calm my heart and give me peace. Let me feel Your arms around me, holding me."

As she prayed, Mary felt her fears beginning to subside. And when she opened her eyes, she looked up to see the warm, sparkling eyes of her friend Sue, who reached out to encircle her in a big hug. Mary felt as if God Himself were holding her tightly.....'

God often uses fellow believers to show us His love. "We, being many, are one body in Christ...Having then gifts differing according to the grace that is given to us, let us use them" (Romans 12:5-6).

Let me just get this out of the way. I am not a hugger. I never have been. And I thought I never would be. But I so SO much want to be. What has been holding me back? Why can't I give someone I love a hug? Why can't I give someone who obviously needs a hug, a hug? Well, guess what? I CAN. I just haven't. I haven't been sensitive to the moments when hugs are needed. And many times I have just hid behind the fact that many people know that I am not hugger. And when people know you are not a hugger, then they won't approach you with a hug. Could this be a way of keeping people at an arms-length distance? I think it might be. I am recently overcoming some pretty big "issues" if you will. God has granted me grace and love way beyond what I deserve. I love Him with all of my heart. He is first in my life. But I have not been showing my love for Him because I have not fully been showing love for His family.

When we show love and compassion in simple, practical ways, we are a part of God's ministry to HIS people. WOW. WOW! When I think about how many times I have passed up the opportunity to simply embrace someone who needed to be held or hug someone who needed to be lifted up in a simple way, it hurts my heart. I will not let any more of these moments pass. I promise.

I am a hugger. I can say it. I can do it. Because I love God and I love His people.

Sweet Girls

I have two sweet girls. I love them. Now, don't get me wrong. They have their moments (many moments at times) where they come near close to driving me crazy, but they are still my sweet girls.

Tinleigh is now almost 6 and 1/2. She loves God so much and it is evident in her heart and love for other people. She has witnessed more lately to others than I have. She is precious. She has also come to the knowledge that it is so good to please me and her Daddy. She glows when she has done something well and we praise her. She smiles from ear to ear in the adoration we are giving her. But the thing is is that she is doing these wonderful things to please us and not for her own glory. I love that.

In the same way, this is why we as Christians strive to live our daily lives for the Lord. Each day I want to bring Him glory in any way and all ways that I can. I look to Him for guidance and try my very hardest to follow through with what He has enabled me to do. I want love to be in my heart and on my tongue at all times. I want to always be looking forward to Jesus' return so that I will receive that crown in heaven. I hope that I am living a life that Jesus is proud of. I hope I will have so many crowns when I reach that City. Because I cannot wait to fall at Jesus' feet and lay them all down for Him. I want Him to smile from ear to ear and say with the love like no other, "Good job. You did it. I love you."

I can hardly wait to hear the holy roar of the angels and saints singing, "Holy, holy, holy". I can hardly wait to see my Jesus face to face. GLORY!

'Tis better to have loved and lost....

Man, this thought has been on my heart for a few weeks now. Would it be better if we all just kept to ourselves and did not let the possibility of loving another individual happen? Of course not. We love from the moment we are born. We love our moms and dads. We love our grandparents, aunts, uncles, sisters, brothers, etc. But when we open ourselves up to others outside of our family, are we just waiting for disaster to occur? I absolutely do not think so.

Have you ever had someone come into your life that you thought was absolutely unloveable? Someone who you by chance met or maybe just an aquaintence of a friend, but they seemed unworthy of love? Or someone who had done something so dispicable that you felt didn't deserve YOUR love?

Paul insists that "love believes all things" (1Corinthians 13:7). Love believes in people. It can see the potential in them. It believes that God can take the most unattractive and unworthy person and turn that person into a masterpiece of beauty and grace.

But we are given brains from the Lord. We have to be aware of danger when we see it coming, and become "as wise as serpents" (Matthew 10:16) Sometimes we have to exhibit tough love to irresponsible and foolish people, but we can be too guarded and distrustful.

I truly believe it is better to believe in someone and have your heart broken than to have no heart at all. When I stand before the Lord one day I hope He will say to me that I have loved too many rather than I have loved too few.

Love NEVER fails.

How many people do you know who are going to Hell?

I have been so convicted about something lately. All of my life I have heard that we live in the Bible belt of America. There are churches on every corner. In Conway alone there are more than 100 churches. I was blessed to grow up in a family who took me to church since birth. They told me about the love of Jesus. They told me about His saving grace. I grew up hearing and singing the good ole hymns. I had the opportunity to go to many church camps during my youth, and I loved the time spent there so much. I actually received Christ at Budd Creek Church Camp the summer I turned 14.

But here is the deal. I am now 31 years old. And I can honestly say that I have never in my life been witnessed to outside of church and my family. No one has ever talked to me about the love of Christ and His saving grace. How is that possible? I live in the Bible belt. Conway has over 100 churches.

Which has led me to the conviction. God just opened my eyes about this. Guess what? There are so many people around me almost daily who are headed to hell. Have I become so content with my walk with the Lord that I have forgotten about my neighbors, my friends, my family, the lady checking me out at Wal-Mart, the salesman at my front door? Are they headed to hell? Have I become so self-involved that I have forgotten about my commission from my Savior? It makes my heart hurt to think that I have passed up so many opportunities to share Christ's love and salvation with those around me.

If we live in the Bible belt, why do we not share His love? Why is there so much crime? Why are we not allowed to pray in school? Why are we made fun of for being a Christian? Why are so many teenage girls getting pregnant? Why are so many people on drugs? Why are the kids at school drinking alcohol as if there is nothing wrong with it? Why are the kids at school taking horrible pictures of themselves and texting them to their friends? Why do girls think its cool to kiss other girls?

...It's because we have forgotten what is important. We have forgotten that our purpose in this life as Christians is to share Christ's love. We are to witness not only with our words but with our lives. We are to always strive to bring glory to our Father. We must become less so that He becomes more. We must put ourselves aside. It's not about us, it's about Him. Selah.

When life gives you lemons, make a pot of sunshine!

This has been quite a day. My Mama went to the cardiologist yesterday for some tests but really expected it to be nothing. Well it turned out that she failed her stress test. While she was on the treadmill there at the doctor's office, the doctor noticed that the top part of her heart was not functioning. So she was scheduled for an arteriogram and stints to be placed on Tuesday (today). She was shocked and so were the rest of us! The procedure started at around 2:50 and was suppose to last about 30 minutes. It ended up taking about an hour. But guess what! No blockage, no abnormalities, just a "perfect" heart. That was the doctor's word for her heart, PERFECT. Now everyone was shocked again. How could everything yesterday be so out of whack in her little heart and today be perfect? I sat there for about an hour praying and thinking and wondering how this could be. And then a peace came over me. How could this be that her heart is now "perfect". I can totally answer that. God. I know that my Mama was covered in prayer. I know the doctor and staff were covered in prayer. I know that my Mama was in God's hands. He is the Great Physician. He healed my Mama's heart.

I know there are people who will say that maybe she just had a bad test the day before. Well, she had 2 tests a week ago and failed those too. God can do anything. God is still performing miracles. I see them every day. And I witnessed another great one today.

But let me tell you the greatest thing of all. My Mama had a perfect heart before the doctor told us what the arteriogram revealed. She is the kind of person who puts herself on the bottom of the list. She goes out of her way to make sure everyone is ok and taken care of. She will pray for you always. She loves the way God has told us to love. She is a hard worker so that she can give her money to those who need it. My Mama is amazing. I love her.



Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her. Proverbs 31:28

Life on the farm is kinda laid back

I must begin by saying that there is absolutely nothing like taking a trip out to the farm in Plumerville. We (Mama, Tinleigh, Eleighana, and I) go out there once a week to visit my Pappaw and Uncle Raymond aka Great Ray as the girls call him. We started this tradition of once-a-week visits when my Mammaw got sick with Alzheimers. I cherish these trips so much. I love being able to ride the short 20 minutes to Plumerville with my Mama. I love the conversations we have. If we do happen to miss a week from time to time, I am left with a bit of a void that week. I love the calm and peace that I have everytime I am on the farm. There is just something about farm life. It's natural. It's calm. It's peaceful. Everywhere you look it seems that God is shining. The sun shining on the pond-the cows grazing in the pasture-the smell of freshly cut hay-beautiful blue skies-mature trees-a random coyote creeping across the field-neighbors and family stopping by-big tree swings-walks down the dirt road-memories of my childhood-wildflower necklaces. My list could go on and on. I love this place.

There was a time in a my life a few years ago when I was going through a very difficult time. Can I just say it was pretty much horrible? I was dealing with some things that I never ever would have thought I would be going through. There are some things that I would never even want to tell anyone about. I was hurting. I was married to a man I should have never married. I truly thought that I was following God by marrying him. I thought I was "rescuing" and "saving" his family. He and his family had never attended church and they actually are agnostic. I thought I would swoop in and save the day. But needless to say, that was not God's plan. It was evident to me immediately that I should never have been married to him. But I was. What could I do but stay married and pray for the best. Quickly life turned completely upside down. I wanted to run away. I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs that I was scared and hurting and wrong. But as time went on, I started to think maybe this was how life was suppose to be for me. I had made a terrible decision and married this man, so I had to live with it. I went to church every Sunday still. I prayed that God would change things. I begged Him. And then things got worse. I was in a position that I knew I could not be in any longer. So divorce papers were filed and I was on the road to freedom. Those months waiting for the papers to be final were long and hard. I was now left with all the bills and only one income. BUT I was free. I was drawing closer and closer to my Father who had been with me the whole time. I wanted to feel His arms wrapped around me. I wanted to feel the comfort that I longed for from God. About 3 months after I received notice in the mail from the courts that everything was over, I was asked to be a bridesmaid in a wedding of a very good friend. We arrived early that day on Petit Jean Mt. to open up one of the buildings there to prepare for the brunch that morning. I struggled to open this very old wooden window. I pushed and tugged and finally it opened. My words will never be able to describe what I saw and felt. God was right there in my face. Now, don't go thinking I'm a crazy gal. Of course I didn't see God standing there. I saw His beauty in the creation He had made. I felt His warmth. I felt His comfort. I felt His peace. I stood there worshipping Him in silence. I could so deeply feel the Holy Spirit saying, "It's all okay. You are truly free."

Well that is exactly how I feel everytime I go to the Trafford farm. I feel God's presence and am reminded that "It's all okay. And I am truly free." God has blessed me far beyond what I deserve. I deserve a firey hell. I could never be good enough to deserve Jesus and His grace. But because of what Jesus did for me on that cross, I am truly free and it's all okay.

I know my God made a way. And I know His word never fails. I know my God made a way for me. It's gonna be alright!